Courtship No. 6 -Friendship

In essence a courtship relationship is a friendship. Two people come together to know each other better. As they interact and by the grace of God it becomes clear whether they are compatible enough to enter the permanent relationship of marriage.


Why is friendship important? Well that one is fairly simple. Feelings change. If you're married for 30 years you will not likely be head over heels in love with your spouse for all 365 days by 30 of your marriage. There will be days when you aren't just feeling it. That's human. However, if that is the only thing that brings you together you will be in trouble. If on the other hand there is a real friendship going on, a blast is guaranteed.


Building Friendship

Friendship is built by spending time together. As you relate with someone your knowledge of a the person grows. In order for this to happen however, you need to have things in common. I've always thought it ideal that men and women who end up courting and eventually marrying must meet in the particular places where they serve God. I have since discovered that this is not always the case on the ground, in fact it appears rather rare. But if that was the case, already the couple is guaranteed that they will have certain things in common on which their friendship can thrive.

A couple must find common interests and spend time enjoying them together. Interests are diverse, from animals, plants, birds, poetry, writing, music, art, acting, cooking, sport and so on. Granted, there must be a willingness by each party to take interest in things that interest the other person even if they may not interest them particularly. There are examples of couples where before they were together, one had no interest in something what so ever but because of the other, interest was developed and sustained. However, if there is nothing of common interest that you both love, friendship will be tough to build.

Back to the area of serving God in the same place. It is a fact that the quality of relationship that a couple who serve together in the same areas will be better than the couple that serve in different areas. The former will have a particular dimension to their relationship that the latter will not. A pastor once testified of the blessing of a couple in one of his pastorates. The wife was exceptional with children but she left that area of ministry to join her husband in the media ministry and they served faithfully together there. Again whatever you think of her decision (some would say she neglected her gift), her relationship with her husband had a certain dimension to it that otherwise would not be there. They had something in common.

If there is really no common areas of interest,  you may not be compatible.