Faith – A Must for Any Relationship

 

Here’s the thing about faith. The bible says without it, it is impossible to please God. The truth of the matter is that without faith, it is impossible to please anyone.

Any father would want his son to have a reasoning mind, to think through actions before taking them and to decide whether an action is profitable or not and not just do things blindly. However, no father would want to have to explain the reasoning and benefit before issuing his every instruction or conveying his every request. Why? First of all, because his son must be obedient and seek to honour him but more so because he would like his son to have a level of reverence and TRUST so that he can carry out instructions and honour requests without first questioning them.

This is true of any relationship; parent-child, boss-employee, sibling-sibling, friend-friend, etc. We rarely ever have to explain the benefit or reasoning behind every request we make to people we relate with from day to day. This is because, for most of them, they love and care for us and/or simply TRUST us and we them and they carry out more of what we ask and believe more of what we say without questioning it, even if it doesn’t make sense, than they do while requiring proof and reasoning from us first.

This is especially so with a romantic relationship. A man’s chief puzzle is his woman and vice-versa. Women are always talking about how they can never understand men and men say the same. Why then is it that a man will carry out instructions and requests and do things for his wife/fiancée/girlfriend even if they do not make sense to him? In fact, ask any man who decided to have a “why” mentality towards his woman and find out how long he was able to go on with that! You’ll discover that he couldn’t keep it up because it displeased her, and rightly so.

Spending hours shopping for the house when it could really all be done in 30 minutes? Going back to the shop to get a particular kind of cheese when the one he brought home first works up to 99.9% as well? Celebrating the baby’s first birthday even if the child will neither understand nor have any recollection of it? These are things that an average man may not appreciate and yet goes ahead to do anyway. Why? Because would like it and he loves her. And if he only does things which make sense to him in his relationship then she will not be PLEASED with him. Faith is necessary to please those we love.

Why should it be any different with God?

How can God be pleased with us if we only accept him when everything he has said and everything about him makes sense to us? How is our trust in him demonstrated when we choose to believe him ONLY when all the evolutionist’s questions are answered? What underlying message must God receive when we refuse him until all questions are answered and everything makes perfect sense in our heads? A belief in God on our own terms is no belief at all.

I understand that God took away a person or people you loved from you, but must he explain himself before you follow him? I understand that so many of your questions remain unanswered, but must you require a file from God containing answers to all your questions and before you come to him? No. We do not hold those around us to such an insensible standard, why must we do it to God?

Just as we do not demand that everything we do for those we love make sense, if we are to love God, we must believe in him and exercise trust in him and do as he says even if it doesn’t all make sense.

This is where atheists get it wrong. They have good questions. They ask, among other things; If God exists, why does he allow evil? Why does he allow suffering? Why doesn’t he speak in an audible voice and show the world that he is real? Why am I unhappy and unfulfilled if God really loves me and cares for me and wants the best for me? And so on. What I find illogical from people these people who claim to be very logical is that they do not demand ALL the answers from those they love and care for, and yet they demand this from God, who loves and cares for them. Yes, God encourages us to bring our heads with us when enter into a relationship with him by believing and trusting in him but to demand all our questions and queries answered before we yield to him is unacceptable. He will not answer them all because he is pleased when we exercise faith in him. When we submit to him even if it hasn’t all made sense, he is well pleased with us. It is the ultimate sign of love for him when we surrender to him with our questions and queries still unanswered.

Thankfully, as we grow in our relationship with him, through the study of his word and prayer, our questions and queries get answered along the way. Hence the good old song we sing, "We will understand it better by and by." And thankfully, he promises us that when all is said and done and history is wrapped up, all will be made plain and clear. He doesn't owe it to us but because he loves us, he will. Why did you lose your loved one who meant so much to you? Put your faith in him, you will understand it better by and by. Why did you lose your job/health/wealth? Why did that unfortunate circumstance befall you? Put your faith in him, you will understand it better by and by. Why doesn't the bible make a 100% clear, beyond shadow-of-doubt argument for God's existence? Put your faith in him, you will understand it better by and by.

Matthew 10:26 ~ So have no fear for them, for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be made known.

Hebrews 11:6 ~ And without faith, it is impossible to please God.

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Girl Trouble

Here's how it goes. A guy likes a girl. Naturally, he gives her particular attention. He beings talking to her a lot. He sends her text messages and calls her regularly. He makes sure to buy her a present on her birthday and celebrate with her in her victories and mourns with her in her losses.

Here's how it is. Today, the unfortunate thing is that if the girl likes the guy back, she 'lets him in'. She entertains him holding nothing back. It isn't long before the young fellow (who is helplessly 'in love' and cannot really help himself) is calling her sweet names, marking his territory for all other predators to see and stay away and really just taking her as his own.

Here's how it ends. The girl falls for the guy but things soon begin to get complicated. In some cases, months go by and the guy isn't proposing. Or he isn't providing any direction for the 'relationship' or definition for it for that matter. Or, worst case scenario, as guys often do when they are not tied down, the fellow moves on leaving the girl heart broken. She cannot hold him down because, he has made no commitment to her. She let him in without requiring a commitment from him.

Here's how it should be. A girl must realize that the only guys she must consider are serious guys. Guys who aren't around to merely have fun but guys who want one final and certain thing, to get married.

The first problem is that most girls want to play around too. In such a case, I guess the pair is perfectly matched, two playful characters. The ruin will be bilateral.

Some girls, however, are serious. They aren't looking to play around but they go about things the wrong way. Instead, they must be a delicate and wise balance of closing themselves up while at the same time keeping the guy interested until he makes the commitment by proposing. There must be a sense in which the guy is starved yet kept at the table. He must be kept in check. Communication must not be in excess. That is reserved for a boyfriend. Language of endearment e.g. "Sweetheart" or "I love you" must be none-existent and limited only to courtship. Gifts must be received with thanks but they too must be kept in check both in terms of quantity and quality lest he thinks he is owed something in return. Things like romantic walks, holding hands and generally time spent as a couple are all reserved for a boyfriend and girlfriend relationship. Anything short of such a relationship must be treated as mere friendship until the guy makes that bold decision to propose.

If the guy is frustrated and leaves, well and good. As hard as it might be and unapparent, it is a better scenario than the possibilities if he is let in without making a commitment. That is why prayer is vital to seek guidance and counsel from the Lord himself.

A girls greatest and most delicate treasure is her heart. She must only give it away to the guy who is ready to take care of it and is serious enough to do so for the rest of his life. Anyone who falls short of that standard must be cut out. Ladies, protect your heart.

Young women of Jerusalem, I charge you: do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time. ~Song of Solomon 8.4 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

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Whitney Houston

Whatever went wrong with Whitney? A promising rising start with a bright future and a voice to take her there. After her movie role in The Bodyguard, the sky seemed to be the limit. She was a model, singer, actor, record producer and so on. Her movies won at the box office, her singles peaked on the charts and her records easily made platinum. Her concerts sold out. Houston's rendition of "The Star Spangled Banner", USA's national anthem at Super Bowl XXV at Tampa Stadium on January 27, 1991 is one of the best vocal performances I've ever heard. It was as effortless as it was sublime. It was the first ever rendition to become a pop hit. See it below...




Her marriage to a notorious fellow, Bobby Brown, in the early 90's marked the beginning of her downfall. Soon she was discovered or rather confirmed to be involved in drug abuse and the like and this from a woman whose early beginnings where firmly rooted in the church singing songs such as 'Amazing Grace' as a little girl. As we all know, once drugs come in, the good goes out. Not too long down the road and the once famous and rising star's name was now the object of mockery, and synonymous with jest and scorn. A laughing stock. A tragic fall from grace. She literally threw her career away. Several chances to redeem herself were presented but only after she separated from her husband in 2003 did she begin again to find her rhythm.

But Whitney never did quite find her rhythm again. Attempts to reinvent herself and kick of a career that was stalled for so long never quite materialized. Fans would walk out of her concerts saying her voice was a mere shadow of what it once was. On the 11th of February 2012, she was found dead in her hotel room submerged in a tub.

Whitney's story comes as a warning to many, especially young people. The youth are not careful what company they keep. Look where Whitney ended up. And perhaps the worst case, young ladies arrogantly refuse to end relationships with dubious young men. Whitney's story could just as easily become theirs. Clearly the saying, "show me your friends today and I'll show you yourself in 10 years" is true.

1 Corinthians 15:33 ~Do not be deceived: “Bad company ruins good morals.”

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10 Reasons Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage

By Mary Fairchild

Reason #1 - God Tells Us Not to Have Sex Outside of Marriage

In the seventh of God's Ten Commandments, he instructs us not to have sex with anyone other than our spouse. It is clear that God forbids sex outside of marriage. When we obey God, he is pleased. He honors our obedience by blessing us.

Deuteronomy 28:1-3

If you fully obey the LORD your God ... [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God ... (NIV)

God has a reason for giving us this command. First and foremost, he knows what's best for us. By obeying him, we trust God to look out for our best interests.



Reason #2 - We Won't Miss Out on the Blessing of the Wedding Night

There's something very special about a couple's first time. In this physical act the two become one flesh. Yet it is more than just physical oneness — a spiritual union takes place. God planned for this exclusive experience of discovery and pleasure to happen only within the intimacy of marriage. If we don't wait, we miss out on a very special blessing from God.

1 Corinthians 6:16

Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. As written in Scripture, "The two become one." Since we want to become spiritually one with the Master, we must not pursue the kind of sex that avoids commitment and intimacy, leaving us more lonely than ever—the kind of sex that can never "become one." (The Message)



Reason #3 - We Will Be Spiritually Healthier

If we live as carnal or fleshly Christians, we will seek to gratify the desires of the flesh and live only to please ourselves. If we live this way, the Bible says we cannot please God. We will be miserable under the weight of our sin. As we continue to feed our fleshly desires, our spirit will grow weak and our relationship with God will be destroyed. Complacency with sin leads to worse sin, and eventually, spiritual death.

Romans 8:8,13

Those controlled by the sinful nature cannot please God. For if you live according to the sinful nature, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the misdeeds of the body, you will live ... (NIV)



Reason #4 - We Will Be Physically Healthier

This one is a no-brainer. If we refrain from sex outside of marriage, we will be protected from the risk of catching sexually transmitted diseases.

1 Corinthians 6:18

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. (NLT)



Reason #5 - We Will Be Emotionally Healthier

One reason God tells us to honor marriage and keep the marriage bed pure has to do with baggage. We carry baggage into our sexual relationships. Memories from the past, emotional scars and unwanted mental images can defile our thoughts and make the marriage bed less than pure. Certainly God can forgive the past, but that doesn't mean we're free from the baggage that can linger in our minds.

Hebrews 13:4

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. (NIV)
 


Reason #6 - We Will Show Consideration for Our Partner's Well-Being

If we put our partner's needs above our own and consider their spiritual well-being, we'll be compelled to wait for sex. We, like God, will want what's best for them.

Ephesians 5:2

Live a life filled with love, following the example of Christ. He loved us and offered himself as a sacrifice for us, a pleasing aroma to God. (NLT)

Philippians 2:3

Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; (NASB)



Reason #7 - Waiting is a Test of True Love

Love is patient. That's about as simple as it gets. We can learn the sincerity of our partner's love by their willingness, or lack thereof, to wait.

1 Corinthians 13:4-5

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking ... (NIV)



Reason #8 - We Will Have No Negative Consequences to Deal With

There are always consequences to sin. Some of those effects can be devastating. An unwanted pregnancy, a decision to have an abortion or place a child for adoption, broken relationships with family and friends — these are just a few of the possible outcomes we face when we choose to have sex outside of marriage. We should be sure to consider the snow ball effect of sin. And what if the relationship does not last? Hebrews 12:1 shows that sin hinders our lives and easily entangles us. We will be much better off if we avoid these negative consequences.



Reason #9 - We Will Keep Our Christian Testimony Intact

We don't set a very good example of godly living when we disobey God. The Bible says in 1 Timothy 4:12 to "be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity." (NIV)

In Matthew 5:13 Jesus compares his followers to "salt" and "light" when we represent him in the world. When we no longer shine the light of Christ, when we lose our Christian testimony, we lose our "saltiness." In other words, we become flavorless and bland. We lose our ability to attract the world to Christ. Luke 14:34-35 puts it strongly, saying that salt without saltiness is worthless, not even fit for the manure pile.



Reason #10 - We Won't Settle For Less Than God's Perfect Will

When we choose to have sex outside of marriage, we settle for less than God's perfect will — for ourselves and for our partner. And if we do this, we don't know what we might end up with. Perhaps we'll end up in a miserable marriage.

So, here's some food for thought: If your partner wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign about their spiritual condition. If you are the one who wants sex before marriage, consider this as a warning sign of your own spiritual condition.

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What Do You Expect?

Not too long ago, my cousin asked me one morning, "What is it with women and insecurity? Why is my girlfriend so untrusting and insecure? She's always asking me whether I'm misbehaving now that she's away and we are apart." My answer to that question was, "What do you expect?"

His query is probably an issue in many of today's relationships and marriages in the world. Trust is rare. The average man will not restrain himself as far as his girlfriend/fiancee is concerned. He will not respect her sexuality. He will pass comments which are sexually suggestive and will be flirtatious in his relationship with her. Many are so perverse and unbiblical, lacking all subtlety even as to demand physical intimacy and sex as a sign of true love! That's pathetic! True love is about the happiness and welfare of the other individual. In ignorance, some ladies will not discourage this behaviour and others even oblige due to the influence of western culture as portrayed in movies and songs.

Now, what happens in the mind of the young lady when they are apart? She worries that if this fellow cannot restrain himself with me, if he cannot wait for the right time (which in there unregenerate mind would be "when I 'feel' ready" rather than "when God says I will be ready i.e. when we're married"), what would stop him from pursuing others in my absence? If he can't restrain himself with me (when I am right there) how could he possibly restrain himself with others when I am absent. Consequently, she become insecure. Always calling him to task asking him to account for day or hour and asking friends to spy on him, always throwing accusations at any sign of secrecy or suspicion. And this follows into marriage making it a living hell.

The poor depraved fellow begins wondering in his ignorant mind, like my cousin, why? Why can't she trust me? Can't she see I love her? My response is, What do you expect? To me its like slapping yourself in the face over and over and screaming, "Why?! Why does my face hurt?!", what on earth do you expect?

But when a man decides to follow the word of God and respects his girlfriend/fiancee it leaves a certain impression on her. When he tells her that he has drawn certain lines that he will not cross in their relationship, he, in fact, wins her trust and respect. When he goes so far as to say, ours will be a hands off relationship, She wonders, "If this man will overcome his desire to say certain things to me or to touch me who is reserved for him, he surely wouldn't do it to anybody else." And when she hears that her fellow did this or that or was sighted here or there, she smiles and waves her finger in the accusers face saying, "Not my man! He has so much respect for me, and I for him I trust him entirely. You've got the wrong guy!" Who wouldn't want his girlfriend, fiancee or wife to say that of him? I sure would!

Many would say, "What? Restrain myself from my own girl? That's insane! That's not manly and masculine! That's unheard of!", well go ahead then, go that way and see what will become of your relationship. Otherwise, obey God and his law and be blessed in your relationship!

Deuteronomy 28:1-3


If you fully obey the LORD your God ... [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God ...

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The Unofficial Relationship (Part 1)

I love this picture of contemporary christian musicians Shane Bernard & Bethany Dillon's wedding, I think it goes well with the title of the post.

I'm on facebook and I changed my relationship status from "single" to "its complicated". Well, I was thinking one day (yes, I think, occasionally) and I realised that while I was not in a relationship, I wasn't really single. It was then that I coined the phrase "Unofficial Relationship" to describe what sort of situation I was in.

Many people are actually in unofficial relationships, from hence forth referred to as "UOR".

Here are two people who like each other but for some reason or other cannot commit. I've seen it happen between a young man seeking a young woman. He likes her and has made his position clear. The young lady does not give a no but doesn't give a yes either. Perhaps she says, give me time or not right now. The two begin hanging out, or talking alot. The young man buys her gifts and talks to her alot. They become close sharing what is happening in their lives, enjoying many benefits of being in a relationship but are not really. The two individuals isolate themselves.

Or perhaps its a guy, alittle too young to seek a girl, a teenager, still a dependant. He likes a girl and starts sending her alot of text messages or calling her and chatting with her. The girl likes him back and before long they become close and go for walks perhaps and he buys her gifts, maybe she does the same. They enter into an UOR. For teens nowadays whether Christian or non-Christian, I've observed, the chap sees the girl, likes her and pursues her. They get hitched and "breakup" in due course (ever noticed they just never last, these teen/post-teen relationships?)

Its not always the same, but the idea of isolation and developing a rather close friendship is prominent. The feelings are typically mutual or else there wouldn't be an UOR in the first place.

Basically an UOR is a relationship between a male and female (ideally) where while the two have not committed to each other they have isolated each other. While they may not necessarily do everything that two people in an official relationship do, they do things which two people in an ordinary friendship do not do, they are somewhere in between the mere friendship and the official relationship.

I call it unofficial for obvious reasons, if you ask the two individuals whether they are in a relationship, the answer will be a definite no. But if you ask them how often they talk to each other, how much time the see each other, how often they are together, you will soon find, that there is some sort of "thing" going on.

Now (Paul Washer always goes to the next point of his sermon like that, "Now, ..."), UOR are dangerous and unbiblical making them wrong. I hope to discuss that in Part II.

I have "charged" two people of being in UORs both of whom actually were, they both bitterly denied it, which is natural for people in UORs. The first person I "charged" was a young lady, she denied it because she had been approached by the young man and liked him but still wasn't so sure she wanted to see him and didn't want to feel or appear bound. Yet she entertained him and accepted his gifts and attention. The other was a man, he too denied it, I don't know why. In his particular case he sought the young lady and she basically said it was too early but she liked him too and now they are bound to each other by virtue of the fact that he had declared his love and she her like and now it would be betrayal on her part if she started seeing another man either now or later cause he's waiting.

I was going to give a list of things to help someone better judge whether or not they are in an UOR, but here is a simple test.

The official relationship and the UOR have alot of things in common but here is the clincher. In both, the individuals are bound. In the official relationship, it would be taboo for any of the mates to begin pursuing anyone other than their mate and it would hurt their partner. Its exactly the same in an UOR. The two are bound to each other. The man has shown his interest by the attention and gifts and the lady likes him and so entertains him. Should the man "move on", the lady will feel betrayed.

"He sent me all those signs only to leave me."

Were you together?

"No."

Then why are you hurt, why do you feel betrayed? I'll tell you why, you decided to enjoy a relationship without committing. You consented to an UOR.

Or perhaps the man is the victim when the lady accepts another man who approaches her.

"I sent her all those gifts, all those text messages, all those chats we had, all that time we talked and spent time together, yet she was just using me to pass time, I feel betrayed."

Were you seeing each other?

"No."

Then why feel betrayed? You were not in a relationship so she was still a free woman.

And the problem is, you cannot take your mate to task for leaving you because it wasn't official. The papers were not signed as it were. All it would take is for your mate to say, "No we weren't." and that would be it.

If your "friend" suddenly started seeing someone or entertaining someone other than you, would you feel hurt or betrayed? My dear friend, you are in an Unofficial Relationship and it is dangerous and it isn't biblical.

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Bebo Norman on Valentines Day

From Bebo Norman's blog, www.bebonorman.com. For those of you who don't know him, Bebo is just one of the most profound writers on the Contemporary Christian Music scene...



D-U-M



I recorded a Valentine’s Day promotional video today for my record label. This sort of video is a fairly normal thing to do for big Holiday promotions…you know, the standard “what’s your favorite gift you’ve ever gotten for Christmas/tell us about your favorite family Christmas tradition” sort of thing, or the ever repetitive “what are you thankful for this Thanksgiving” list, etc, etc. And no offense to the promotional folks at the label who really do work their butts off to make things happen, but I kind of feel like I might have to draw the line at Valentine’s Day. And I’m sorry if you happen to be a big box of chocolates kind of gal, but I SERIOUSLY don’t get it. I mean, if you don’t happen to have a “Valentine” it’s sort of like rubbing it in, and if you do happen to have a Valentine, it’s sort of like rubbing it in. Maybe it’s because my wife could seriously not care less about it (might just be THE reason I married her), or perhaps it’s because I feel like it’s mostly just a big racket for the flower and chocolate industries, but I find myself a bit cynical about this particular holiday. Is that wrong? I mean, is it wrong to feel like if I love someone I should try to let them know it every day, not just this one random day of the year? Is it wrong to think that it’s much more of a “gift” to surprise my wife with flowers every now and then instead of gathering up the scraps at the flower shop on the day that every lame man on the planet is hunting to “make up for lost time” and maybe, just maybe, get lucky when he gets home? I don’t know, I’m sure I’m overreacting, but…I don’t think I really care. So someone told me that when I’m not sure what to blog about on a particular day that I should come up with one sentence that sort of sums it all up. So here’s my sentence for the day: Valentine’s Day is d-u-m. (And yes, I left the “b” out on purpose).

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Relationship Craze (2 Questions)

I am on facebook, and from what I've seen, everyone is in a relationship. Either that or they just broke up! Its crazy! There are teens out there who are in relationships who can't even spell the word "relationship". I intend to write alot on this issue because I think its one of the big issues among Christian youths, especially among those I relate with at church and in my community. For now, an admission and two inevitable questions.

I have never had a girlfriend in my life. Since I know of only one other person like me, my admission begs two questions, in my mind at least.

1) Am I normal?!! &

2) Where on earth have I been??

Well first of all, I am normal. I'm abnormal as far as my friends, schoolmates, church mates and community mates are concerned but *very* normal as far as the bible is concerned:

Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you by the gazelles and by the does of the
field: Do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. ~Song of Solomon 2:7

I'm normal alright. There is a difference between awakening love when you desire and when love, itself, desires. More of that later.

As for the question "where have I been?", I wish I could say I haven't been in one because I have never wanted to but alas my answer has little to do with me. Its not because I'm holy or spiritual or whatever. In my world where everyone around me is or has been in a romantic relationship, I have been spared by God's grace alone. I've been preserved by God. I hope he continues to preserve me until love so desires.

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