28 September 2008
17 September 2008
Rock Bottom
Every Monday I get money for school-enough for the week. Well this week it was all gone by Tuesday evening! I thought I’d get some cash on Tuesday night and that’s what gave me enough nerve to clear what little was left of my week’s money. Well as the Lord would have it I didn’t get the cash I thought I’d get. This morning (Wednesday), I woke up with no money at all. As is usually the case, I had false sense of surety, no worry at all because (again, as is usually the case), I had a plan:
I’d lend enough bus money to get me to school, atleast, from someone at home, ofcourse not my Mom who wouldn’t be impressed, and then I’d borrow some money from a school mate for the rest of the week. Well things didn’t go according to plan. No one at home was willing to give me any money(!) and my pride would not allow me to beg. My brother told me I had gained “a bad reputation”, with paying money back, in the house. I tried my cousin and she refused with an unconvincing reason but as I said, I was willing to do almost a lot of things to get some cash but begging was not one of them. I tried my other cousin who had just got some money and he bluntly refused. I couldn’t believe it. I had no money and my plan B had failed terribly. I was supposed to be in class in 40 minutes! With a lot of desperation the thought crossed my mind to ask a certain older friend for money. He works right across from home. When that thought crossed my mind, it hit me. I had been brought to my knees. 3 days of school left and not a cent on me, no one willing to lend me any money, the thought of stooping so low as to ask for money from someone else.
It reminded me of the prodigal son who had reached the end of his rope such that he considered satisfying is hunger by eating the food for the swine he “herded”. Its not that I think too highly of myself to ask for money but the relationship that I had with my older friend who worked across from my home wasn’t the kind where we asked each other for money (I hope you see what I mean am at a loss for words…). Anyway, I made it to school by God’s grace, lets just say I “borrowed” some cash and made sure it was returned the second I got home!
Today’s experience has confirmed to me that I have a serious problem when it comes to spending. I am a reckless spender. This problem as I foresee it can grow to a point where it brings disaster on my finances when I am independent. People who find themselves in heavy debt start out exactly the same way. The problem grows as it continues to go unattended. Thankfully for me, I have a God who has loved me enough to show me this potentially serious problem early on. Thankfully, this same God is my father. I have a personal and living relationship with him. He isn’t just a name to me; he is so, so much more. Thankfully he is greater than any addiction, problem or anything else and with his help, I can be set free of my problem if only I take it to him in sincere prayer. Father God, I thankyou for you.
Mwindu.
15 September 2008
Reasons Why I Have Chosen To Have This Blog
I have been doing some thinking over the past few days. My conscience and I have come to an understanding.
About a week ago, I came across “blog-spot” on my cellphone while surfing my dad’s website and decided to create a blog of my own because I thought it would be like having my very own website (I still feel that way!), anyway I made me a blog and left it at that. Not long afterward I came across another individual’s blog who was really using her apparent gift/passion of/for writing. I immediately thought of a friend who also had a gift of writing (not really a passion for it though), and thought I’d make her a blog and tell her to start using it in the same way. Anyway today I was thinking that I too should utilize my blog likewise but wondered what my motive was. Here is more or less the discussion, Me, Myself, and I had with my conscience:
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Myself: I think I will use my blog like Miss Baucham does.
Conscience: Why? What is you motive?
Me: I don’t know, who cares?
Conscience: Me.
Conscience: You want to utilize you blog because you have seen how successful Miss Baucham's blog is, isn’t it?
I: Well… umm… mmm… well…. uhhh….
Conscience: If your motive in utilizing your blog, in exactly the same way, is merely to achieve the success of Miss Baucham's blog, it would be wrong. I (your conscience) will not be clear (And you know what that means!). Look, go ahead and do what you want to but, ensure you motives glorify the lord.
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After doing a lot of soul searching and thinking, I have a couple of reasons or motives for using my blog in the same way that Jasmine (Miss Baucham) does:
- I should go ahead with the idea because, I think(!) I would enjoy writing my thoughts, feelings, experiences etc, alot. I think it would be a good alternative to sitting infront of the television or any other non-beneficial things.
- I should go ahead with the idea because God is showing and teaching me so many thing, I can’t store them all in my head, a blog would be a good way to pen down those lessons.
- I really doubt anyone at all will read or follow this blog, but if by some remote chance, and I mean REMOTE(!)… I don’t think you understand, RRRREEEMMMOOOOTTTTEEE!!!! chance, I would simply be ecstatic if that person benefitted in any way from this blog. Not that I am a fountain of knowledge or anything but the lord does teach his children and I would love to share what he has and is still teaching me!
- I wouldn’t really say God has given me a gift to write because I don’t really think I’m good at it but I enjoy it thoroughly and so this would be an excellent past time.
- Lastly I will share here a lot about what is going on in my life, I am not really excited about that but I guess it would be a great archive which I can re-read when I am living on my farm in retirement and have either nothing to do or everything to do but no strength to do it!
Well these reasons have put my conscience at ease.
Ofcourse one must give credit where it is due, I have been inspired to use this blog by Jasmine Baucham. Check out her great site at “joyfullyathome.blogspot.com”.
Mwindula.