12 June 2010

What Do You Expect?

Not too long ago, my cousin asked me one morning, "What is it with women and insecurity? Why is my girlfriend so untrusting and insecure? She's always asking me whether I'm misbehaving now that she's away and we are apart." My answer to that question was, "What do you expect?"

His query is probably an issue in many of today's relationships and marriages in the world. Trust is rare. The average man will not restrain himself as far as his girlfriend/fiancee is concerned. He will not respect her sexuality. He will pass comments which are sexually suggestive and will be flirtatious in his relationship with her. Many are so perverse and unbiblical, lacking all subtlety even as to demand physical intimacy and sex as a sign of true love! That's pathetic! True love is about the happiness and welfare of the other individual. In ignorance, some ladies will not discourage this behaviour and others even oblige due to the influence of western culture as portrayed in movies and songs.

Now, what happens in the mind of the young lady when they are apart? She worries that if this fellow cannot restrain himself with me, if he cannot wait for the right time (which in there unregenerate mind would be "when I 'feel' ready" rather than "when God says I will be ready i.e. when we're married"), what would stop him from pursuing others in my absence? If he can't restrain himself with me (when I am right there) how could he possibly restrain himself with others when I am absent. Consequently, she become insecure. Always calling him to task asking him to account for day or hour and asking friends to spy on him, always throwing accusations at any sign of secrecy or suspicion. And this follows into marriage making it a living hell.

The poor depraved fellow begins wondering in his ignorant mind, like my cousin, why? Why can't she trust me? Can't she see I love her? My response is, What do you expect? To me its like slapping yourself in the face over and over and screaming, "Why?! Why does my face hurt?!", what on earth do you expect?

But when a man decides to follow the word of God and respects his girlfriend/fiancee it leaves a certain impression on her. When he tells her that he has drawn certain lines that he will not cross in their relationship, he, in fact, wins her trust and respect. When he goes so far as to say, ours will be a hands off relationship, She wonders, "If this man will overcome his desire to say certain things to me or to touch me who is reserved for him, he surely wouldn't do it to anybody else." And when she hears that her fellow did this or that or was sighted here or there, she smiles and waves her finger in the accusers face saying, "Not my man! He has so much respect for me, and I for him I trust him entirely. You've got the wrong guy!" Who wouldn't want his girlfriend, fiancee or wife to say that of him? I sure would!

Many would say, "What? Restrain myself from my own girl? That's insane! That's not manly and masculine! That's unheard of!", well go ahead then, go that way and see what will become of your relationship. Otherwise, obey God and his law and be blessed in your relationship!

Deuteronomy 28:1-3

If you fully obey the LORD your God ... [he] will set you high above all the nations on earth. All these blessings will come upon you and accompany you if you obey the LORD your God ...


"Tarry Home" said...

Well said! After 21 plus years of marriage, it is so good to have a hubby I can trust, what a blessing indeed! Your issue here is much like asking why there are so many divorces today. If we live in an instant satisfaction society where on the dating level people are in and out of relationships, why wouldn't there be a high rate of divorce, why would there suddenly be a change just because one is married. How good to know life in all its fullness! For truly, there is only one way to real happiness....God's way!