25 November 2008

Love: About The Other Person

A couple months ago, August to be more precise, my friend and I were having a chat, at the Agricultural Show, about a girl he really liked. He told me that of all the girls he has ever seen or liked, he liked her most, infact he was pretty sure that he loved her.

This friend of mine and I are members of the same church and have grown up together literally. I just thought I should put that into perspective. Of course I would sooner cut my left arm than mention his name!

Well, things didn't quite work out between him and his "love" and he told me that the whole thing really hit him badly. I asked him if he still loved her and he answered in the affirmative. Well "love" is a pretty strong word.

I believe if a man loves a woman, he wants to see her happy because true love is about the other person. So I asked my friend, "Suppose you knew that this lady you love so much would be happier without you and with someone else instead, would you let her go?" My friend was very honest and told me he would not! So I rephrased the question, this time eliminating him from the picture. This time, I asked,” Guys A & B, realise that the women they love would be happier with other men; guy A lets his love go while guy B does not. Which of the two guys loves his lady the most?" As my dad says, "no prize for guessing", he settled for guy A.

I told my friend that I did not think he really loved her because love is about the other person, their needs, their wants, their happiness, all above yours. Seeing them happy makes you happy. Your happiness is made complete by theirs.

This issue of my love for a person being about the other person and not about me is lacking even in the church. A young lady joins the church and within 2 months she has been approached by seven separate men! There's something wrong there because if any of those seven men really loved this new lady, they would first want to get to know her a little, if you ask me two months is not a valid time frame.

Ok, that example is a bit far fetched but here is one closer to home. I have had the privilege of being close to some ladies who are my older sisters in the Lord and one in particular has told me she is uninterested in relationships largely due to her past. She had never grown up with her parents and has always been on the move from relative to relative. She is passionate about working towards independence, then and only then, will she consider getting into a relationship. She is not ready to get into a relationship and get married in a year and a half and be a dependant of her husband, she wants time to complete her tertiary studies and have the satisfaction of being nobodies dependant but completely independent.

This particular lady has been approached by brothers in the Lord on multiple occasions and some other brothers have begun dropping hints. Do any of those brothers really love her? I doubt it. If they did they would be more interested in her as a person because love is about the other person. Her background, her likes, her dislikes, her hobbies e.t.c. Knowing her name would be good too!

A friend of mine asked a girl to be his girlfriend. Her reply totally embarrassed him! She responded with a question. She asked, "Brother, what is my surname?" He had no clue what her surname was, no clue! He did not love her because love is about the other person. When you love someone there should be no rush.

If any of those brothers really loved my older sister in the Lord, who I have spoken about, they would know that she is not interested in a relationship through interaction with her and getting to know her better. True love is about the other person.


P.S: I do not advocate nor encourage, I hope(!), relationships between people who are two young to be in them for example, my two friends who I have mentioned above.