17 February 2009

Over there...

"Over there..." is the new title of my blog. The title before was "Mwindula", my name. I have wanted to change it for a while and I think I've found just the title. I'll probably change it again but right now the words "over there" sum up what i've been contemplating and thinking these past few months.

I know where i'm at right now in most of the spheres of my life, socially, physically, psycologically, academically etc. On the spiritual side of things, I see where I am in this race to the finish line, I see where I am in my walk with God but I want so much to be "over there". I want so much to be a little further up the road, I wish I could gain alittle more altitude as I climb this mountain. I want to be over there. I am completely unhappy with my current position. I'm I the only one who feels this way, I wonder?

On Sunday, we are all smiling at each other and wearing our best attire (most of us at least!), openning the service in prayer, songleading, singing in the choir, praying at the prayer meeting, contributing during the bible study etc, etc. But how many, like me, are struggling? How many need a touch from the Lord?

There's a song by Casting Crowns:
Is there anyone that fails? Is there anyone that falls?
Am I the only one in church today, feelin' so small?
Cause when I take a look around, Everybody seems so strong
I know they'll soon discover, That I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay
If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too
So with a painted grin, I play the part again
So everyone will see me, the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people?
Under shiny plastic steeples
With walls around our weakness
And smiles to hide our pain
But if the invitation's open
To every heart that has been broken
Maybe then we close the curtain
On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there? Are there any hands to raise?
Am I the only one who's traded, In the altar for a stage?
The performance is convincing, And we know every line by heart
Only when no one is watching, Can we really fall apart

But would it set me free? If I dared to let you see,
The truth behind the person That you imagine me to be
Would your arms be open? Or would you walk away?
Would the love of Jesus, Be enough to make you stay?
How may would come out and kneel before the altar and cry out to God, if we closed the curtains of our church windows and dimmed the lights? How many teary eyes hide behind plastic smiles? If the invitations open, to every heart that has been broken, maybe then we'll close the curtains, and dim the lights, so that those who are hurting and broken can go and kneel at the altar.

Jesus Christ calls those who are poor in Spirit blessed, "for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven".

On Sunday, my buddy asked me how things were going with me spiritually. I told him the truth. Things were terrible, "I haven't read my bible in weeks, I havn't prayed in weeks." He couldn't believe it. You can't see teary eyes behind a smiling mask, now can you? Are there any like me, I wonder?

I could be a much better son to my Father in heaven and my father on earth. I could be a more caring son to my dear mother. My sister needs a brother through whom the beauty of Jesus can be seen. My brother should have a much better example for an older brother. The youths at church, need a leader with integrity. My God needs a servant whose heart is right with him. Oh Lord, I am stuck here but I want, so much, to be over there!

Help me be over there.

Hasten, O God, to save me;
O LORD, come quickly to help me.

May those who seek my life
be put to shame and confusion;
may all who desire my ruin
be turned back in disgrace.

May those who say to me, "Aha! Aha!"
turn back because of their shame.

But may all who seek you
and be glad in you;
may those who love your salvation
always say, "Let God be exalted!"

Yet I am poor and needy;
come quickly to me, O God.
You are my help and my deliverer;
O LORD, do not delay.