14 January 2009

Break Up Letter

Ironic that my very first post ever, in this New Year would be a "break up letter". But this letter means alot more to me than what meets the eye and strikes the mind. Those who are really close to me will know what I mean, well here it is, the "break up letter" from Alud to Uba:

Why since You’ve wounded my heart,
Don’t You heal it?
Why don’t You heal?
And why since You’ve stolen my heart,
Do You leave it so?
Oh this heart of stone.
Why don’t You carry away my heart
You have stolen and left here broken
Why don’t You carry away my heart
Already taken
Awaken the dawning of a new heart
Where stone begins to bleed
For the arrow of God that runs through me
Leaves me in need
Here in need
How long? How long? How long?

Dear Uba,

You know that I love you more than I could ever love any man. And that is what has made this decision the toughest I have ever made. I have decided to obey Dad and cut ties with you.

God knows that I am broken and so does my Dad. I do not know why he (God) has run me through with this arrow, but I know he loves me more than I could ever deserve or imagine and that he loves you more than I ever could.

Before my Dad got home from your place, I was planning what I would do and say. But I thank God that I decided to pray. I asked God to create in me a pure heart and renew a right spirit within me. I told God to make me or help me make the right choice, one that would bring him glory. When I was done praying, I thought to myself that if only Dad explained to me the logic of splitting us. I thought if only dad explained the logic, I would find it easier to obey and that is why I asked you whether or not you got the logic from your talk.

When I spoke to Dad, he reminded me that I was obligated to obey him whether or not it was logical. As I spoke with Dad, I began to realise that I was losing you. I couldn’t help but cry.

I wished that I had never met you because it is you who will suffer most from our break up in that I will still be here at CBK with all the friends we have grown up knowing and you would probably move on. I saw you not understanding, clearly, my reasons for pulling out and thus thinking that I have betrayed you. I asked Dad, why? Why does it have to be him taking the heavier load instead of me? Dad reminded me of the instances in the bible where some suffered and paid for the sins of others. He also told me that carrying on with those thoughts would be fighting with God.

God loves us both and this separation will glorify His name because we will be obeying. And if we do what is right, we can never go wrong.

I then asked Dad whether he thought I could ever be attracted to you if you were not saved. Dad said that sometimes a friendship between two Christians can be unhealthy.

My heart is heavy and the pain of complete separation from you is more than I can bare. This trip to America will do me good, to just get away and just sort myself out. But I will give my broken, weeping heart to God, please do as well.

The only way all this will make sense is if you start with God. I urge you to ask him to help you trust his will and help you accept it and that he will give you grace to cope. I know I will need a lot too.

You will forever remain in my heart and in my prayers. Right now though, let us just obey.


P.S: God has won this battle.